


The Crossing Guard Chronicles

by PhinFerbFan5



Category: Milo Murphy's Law, Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-09
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:08:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23561329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhinFerbFan5/pseuds/PhinFerbFan5
Summary: Some short stories with Elliot the crossing guard. Set during Phineas and Ferb's summer.
Kudos: 22





	1. The Start of Summer

“Stop!” Elliot twisted his wrist to show the other side of his stop sign. “Milo” he said the word on the other side.

“Hi Elliot.” Milo cheerfully responded, “Nice sign.”

“I’m planning on making it motorized.” Elliot displayed his sign.

“Really?” Milo responded with interest.

“Yeah. It’s lead lined too.” Elliot bragged.

“Is that important?” Melissa checked.

“Yes.” Elliot confirmed.

“And why are you still a school crossing guard? Summer break has started.” Melissa pointed out.

“Do you think safety takes a break!” Elliot proclaimed.

“It does when I’m around.” Milo smiled.

“… That simultaneously proves and argues against what I’m trying to say. What are you wearing?” Elliot asked Melissa.

“Pff.” Melissa scoffed as she straightened the collar on her lab coat, “This is the height of fashion. Where have you been? Living under a rock?”

“That was my excuse too.” Milo let him know, “Apart from not being able to move it was quite relaxing.”

“May Dad said I could buy something yesterday. I was feeling so one hour and 47 seconds ago after my science project got destroyed.” Melissa explained.

“… you were doing a science project?” Elliot asked.

“Yeah, it is summer break.” Milo agreed.

“You wait for the last minute then.” Melissa told him.

“Anyway!” Elliot grab their attention, “What urgent matter needs you to cross the road?”

“We’re going to the motor speed way to see if anything’s still going on there.” Milo answered, “We were going to watch the swamp oil 500 but my tv exploded.”

“And when we got to my house a blimp collision cut off the transmission.” Melissa filled in.

“Oh man. Was that today? I was thinking of going to that. Who was that popular guy? Billy Roy?” Elliot pondered.

“Billy Ray.” Milo informed.

“Yeah. He’s pretty good. He can really turn, and when he needs to, he can turn again. But even more impressive is how many safety features those race cars have.” Elliot sighed, “Imagine having the job to check all their seatbelts are tight and that mesh is in place before they start the race.”

“I don’t think that’s a job.” Milo told him.

“I’d think you’d go for the safety car job.” Melissa said.

“What? There’s a car called the safety car?!” Elliot reevaluated his life, “… no. You’re just kidding me.”

“There really is.” Milo assured.

“Yeah, make fun of the safety guy.” Elliot dismissed, “I bet you don’t know anything about race cars. I bet you wouldn’t know a race car if you saw one.”

“Is that one?” asked Melissa.

“No.” Elliot told her. He turned and watched a race car tear down the street, “…yes.”

“I didn’t know the race spilled into the streets.” Milo watched it zoom out of sight.

“I thought the race was over.” Melissa said.

“... Was that you?” Elliot asked.

“I don’t know.” Admitted Milo.

“It didn’t really cause much destruction.” Melissa pointed out, “Was that a pharmacist on the top?”

“It looked like one.” Milo nodded, “Though it could have just been a guy in a lab coat.”

“Like what, an evil scientist?” Melissa smirked before quickly losing it, “… Is that what I look like?”

“Yeah.” Elliot answered.

“A bit.” Agreed Milo.

“Huh. I knew I should have gone with the Summer All The Time line.” Melissa lamented. A large compliment of police cars skidded round the corner and smashed together, blocking Elliot’s crossing, “And there’s Murphy’s Law.”

“Still want to make it to the speed way?” Milo checked.

“Well I heard that there’s a film set just down the road, on this side of the road.” Melissa suggested.

“Oh yeah! I heard about that.” Milo thought back, “The Princess Sensibilities?”

“Yeah. That’s it.” Melissa agreed.

“Now hold on. You’re not allowed to see that film.” Elliot halted them with his sign, “That’ll be a large public event.”

“I don’t think I’ll see the film. I’m not sure that it’s…” Milo pondered.

“To your sensibilities?” Melissa offered.

“Yeah.” Milo agreed, “I’m just interested in the film set.”

“Why’d you want to visit the film set but not the movie?” questioned Elliot.

“I remember hearing Gretchen Flammkuchen from Krillhunter was the lead. So I’ll be able to get her autograph!” Milo jumped with joy.

“Settle down there.” Elliot told him, “I have the stop sign here, and as the defender of all mankind, I command you to stop for the sake of the human race, or at least the sake of the Princess Sensibilities target audience.”

“Sorry Elliot,” Melissa walked round his stop sign, “But I’m not sure the defender of mankind has jurisdiction beyond the crossing.” Milo and Melissa walked off.

“Well…” Elliot called after them, “…I’ll find a way to stop you next time!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random references to The Fast and the Phineas, Run Away Runway, and Lights Candace Action!. And I suppose Murphy's Lard and Star Struck for MML. Just for those who were curious. Though I'm sure most of y'all noticed.


	2. Electric Boogaloo

Elliot stood vigil at his crossing, ready for immediate action, even if he really didn’t need to be. His efforts were made especially useless by the fact no one had passed by the entire day so far. Which is why it took a nearly ten seconds for his brain to start doing something after he started watching the manhole cover get pushed back and Principle Milder popped up to check the surroundings.

“Principle Milder?” Elliot finally approached.

“Oh hey Elliot. How goes the overland?” Milder asked. She was covered in dirt with paint on her cheeks and she carried a bunch of random tools on her belt, none of which seemed to be helpful in any everyday situation.

“… Are you alright?” Elliot asked cautiously.

“Yeah. This week’s been fine. I hate to admit it, but Subterranus does have some charm.” Milder pulled herself up and sat on the edge of the hole, "Reminds me of Seattle."

“Uhhh… Are you living underground?” Elliot felt out the situation.

“Yeah. I’m only on a scout mission for food. I thought we clued you in on all this.” Milder raised an eyebrow.

“We?” Elliot picked up.

“All the teachers?” Milder told him like he already knew this.

Elliot thought through the current situation to see if he was being stupid. He came to the conclusion that he did indeed find this weird. So he gathered his courage and asked what felt like the most stupid question, “Why are you living underground?”

“There’s more job opportunities.” Milder shugged.

“What about the..” Elliot glanced at the buildings across the road, “..school?” The school was completely boarded up. He felt sure the school had been fine earlier in the day.

“Did you knock your head or something? School closed down. The boards already used our salaries to buy that new yacht they had their eyes on.” Milder huffed.

“But… the school. How can I be a crossing guard if children don’t cross my crossing to go to school?” Elliot felt his world start shaking.

“Children? You really have gone into denial. There’s been no children in Danville for months.” Milder reminded him, “Things have been going from bad to worse since then. Personally I think it really went downhill after we lost all our lawn gnomes.”

“Mildred the second?” called Scott as he pocked his head out of the hole.

“How many times do I have to tell you, it’s just Milder.” Milder corrected.

“Who’s this overlander? Does he want to join us in Subterranus..anus..anus?” Scott invited, “We have a thriving civilisation.”

“Uhhhhh. No. I’m good.” Elliot declined. He felt like the world was going crazy, “What is going on?”

“I thought it was pretty clear, Society’s falling apart. There’s giant robots and monsters roaming the streets. Not to mention the green rays of doom!” Milder wiggled her fingers out of habbit, “Ugh. You’ve got me doing it now.”

“The Mayor wouldn’t let this happen.” Elliot tried to rationalise.

“Oh he fled a while ago. After he got assaulted by pigons right?” Milder thought back. “We’re on our own now.”

“But… everything’s so unsafe. We need a leader.” Elliot realised.

“Yes.” Encouraged Scott.

“A competent leader.” Elliot had an idea.

“Yes!” Scott encouraged.

“A leader who has dedicated his life to safety.” Elliot suggested.

“He shall be our leader!” Scott declared.

“Yes I… what?” Elliot noticed he wasn’t pointing at him.

“Oh hey guys.” Waved Doofenshmirtz, “I don’t see many people wondering the streets that often anymore. Anyone seen an icecream truck around? I was going to shoot a giant tire at him. Wait. What did you say?”

“You shall be our leader!” Scott praised.

“Me? Your leader? Hmm… I feel like that was on my to do list…” Doofenshmirtz took out a notepad and flicked through a few pages, “Yeah. It’s down there. Huh, I thought that was closer to the top. … hmmm you know what? I don’t really feel like ice cream today. They don’t even have garlic flavour. How about I bring that up the list and start working on that.” Doofenshmirtz made a note at the top of his list, “I suppose Perry’s still in the hospital… I’m sure he won’t mind if I get a head start.”

“Will we get jobs?” Milder checked.

“Uh… Yeah. I suppose once I take over there’ll be a lot of statues of me to build.” Doofenshmirtz thought.

“I could do that.” Scott nodded along.

“Anythings better than being Mildred the second.” Milder got out of the manhole.

Elliot watched them walk off, “… I can’t help but feel we shouldn’t have done that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How will this cliff hanger get resolved? (This is a cliff hanger in case you didn't notice)


	3. Back on Track

“Stop! Joe!” Elliot called out hollowly as someone approached his crossing.

“… you mean Milo.” Milo checked as he and Melissa stopped before him.

“No. I mean… Milo?” Elliot took a double take as he looked over the vibrant colours of his sweater vest.

“Yep. That’s my name Elliot.” Milo confirmed encouragingly.

“Elliot… That’s me right? I’m Elliot?” Elliot grabbed Milo’s shoulders.

Milo and Melissa exchanged a confused look, “…Yeah.” Milo eventually agreed.

“HahAhaha! Of course I am!” Elliot laughed as he released him.

“Why are you wearing a lab coat?” Melissa asked.

“I don’t know! I’m Elliot!” Elliot felt his face to make sure it was real.

“Yep. For as long as I’ve known you.” Milo confirmed.

“And you haven’t had to wear lab coats?” Elliot checked, “No, of course not. You’ve been locked up in prison.” Elliot corrected himself.

“…We really haven’t.” Milo recorrected.

“Really! Oh holy crash test dummy! It was all just a dream.” Elliot fell onto the grass in relief.

“Oh good.” Milo put a smile back on his face.

“Yeah… I think.” Melissa kept her confused-concerned face.

“Didn’t you wear a lab coat..” Milo pointed out.

“Don’t bring that up.” Melissa cut him off.

“Ok. Get rid of that. ” Elliot took his lab coat off and threw it to the wind, “Didn’t even know I had a lab coat. Hahahaha! I’m free!”

“Um… Elliot? I’m afraid to ask…” Melissa started.

“What? I’m not crazy. It was so lifelike. But I know who I am now. I’m Elliot Decker: Safety Tsar!” Elliot proudly proclaimed.

“Yeah. That’s what I’m wondering about. Why are you still guarding a school crossing in the middle of summer?” Melissa asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a big fan of this story. It was just one of my stories that was most complete so I chucked it up on here. Though I also posted it because I'm a fan of time travel and writing this gave me an idea for a larger MML story that I'll hopefully get round to finishing.


End file.
